It's Hardest When.

All we can do is pray.

Excuse me for being blunt, but I hate having to say that. Not because I don't believe it, but because I wish it wasn't true.

I wish there was more I could do. I wish I could feed the hundreds of thousands going hungry in Africa. I wish that I could rescue every young girl and boy living in brothels in Cambodia. I wish I could have depressed people on a 24/7 watch, so that when they start tying that rope around their necks, I could stop them. I wish that I could tell that child that they were valued, you know, the one whose parents tell them they're the reason their lives didn't turn out the way they'd wanted. I wish that I could cure the woman breathing her last breaths. I wish I could tunnel my way into the Pike River Mine - one year earlier - and rescue the men who died. I wish that I could hop in my time machine, go back to 1939 and take Hitler down. Or at least, out of the picture. I just wish that I could teleport myself to North Korea, and, and, and... And? I don't even know what I would do. What I could do. What could I do? Burst into the doors of the seven story 'Pleasure Palace', wave my wand and banish Kim Jong's successors to a land where naughty world leaders go to think about their actions? Probably not.

God, why is it so hard for us to live in this world? Why have we done such bad things with the gift of the earth that you gave to us? What is our problem? We are our own problem! Annihilate us! Too bad You're a man of your word. Rainbows and all.

Father, humble our hearts and minds... how dare we think we can do this thing on our own? If it's our fault the world's the way it is now, how can we be trusted to bring it back to Your standards? Back to right?

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

I hate you Apathy.

There are many things that motivate me to want to do something great in this world. When I watch a movie like Blood Diamond, and the Special Effects, Lighting, Camera Angles and Backing Track cause me to feel great empathy for the child soldiers. These children are stolen from their homes, which are most commonly ruined by Guerilla warfare, and brainwashed into believing that their kidnapper is actually their saviour. Their saviour from the ignorance of not fighting, of being a passive and loving person, and of having feelings other than hate and murder toward anybody but yourself. Watching the movie Blood Diamond makes it so easy to see why somebody should do something for those children. It would just make sense, to see an injustice and then feel inside of you that you need to do something about it. It just makes sense. Even watching videos on Youtube that people have made about the prevalence of Human Trafficking in todays' Modern World. There are real videos of children selling themselves, and their ability to give oral sex to a visiting tourist. Listening to songs about these slaves makes my heart stir, and somehow arises in my heart, the desire to save these children, these girls, these slaves. Reading books that vividly explain situations in which families of young children are forced to run for their lives and take refuge deep in the forests of their countries because the government are pursuing them for becoming a Christian. I read the many cases of girls that are raped because they are Christian, and houses being burnt to the ground because inside were a secret group holding a church service secretly in the hopes of not being found out by the government. When I read these stories, my very insides churn and are wrenched with the gloominess of uselessness, of helplessness and that desire again fires up that I need to help these people. That I need to run to these people and give them aid, give them refuge, give them safety and security. I feel for them, I yearn for their safety, I have an inner cry for these people and I feel sad for them and with them. 


But. I do not think that I am the only one that feels this way. I bet that most of the people that watched Blood Diamond felt as though their hearts were being ripped out for the safety of the innocents in Africa. I bet that most people had a sleepless night or two, tossing and turning, questioning themselves and what their lives are focussed on. The same with the Youtube videos, a lot of those videos have had at least 1000 views. Those people would have also had the burden on their hearts for these young children forced to sell themselves for little or no pay. More than just me would have looked further into the facts, and may even have shared the video on their Facebook page, or the link on their Twitter account. Christians, I am certain, after reading a copy of the Voice of the Martyrs monthly newsletter, will have sent money over to Christians in Persecuted countries. They may have even written a letter or two, or four to the governments about releasing Gao Zhiseng out of their custody. Many will have signed the petitions and did a great thing being a part of such a noteworthy cause.


But. I do not want to be one of those people. There will be no backing track, fancy camera angles, or script after the movie. There will only be real life risky situations. There will only be children that want to kill you for helping them, and there will be no yell of 'cut'.There will be just you. And to add to the emotions you once felt for these children, will be confusion, fear, anguish, and more. 
In those countries with the sex slaves, you can't press pause once you have gotten yourself into the business of going up against Traffickers. You can't exit the internet browser, because a court case is not an internet browser, it is just you and a judge that has the power to have you killed. There is no encouraging song in the background, just the sound of your pain and the silence of your thinking... What the hell have I gotten myself into? And the truth is, there is no way out then. It's a consequence that has its effects forever.
Going up against a government doesn't end with the closing of a pamphlet. You will probably get killed or come close to it. And like I said, you can't flick the page or speed up time, you just have to live with it. Or die with it. And yeah, that is the truth. There aren't fancy letter heads flicking across the screen of your life, there aren't moving pictures of the disaster... You live in the disaster, you are a part of it. Sometimes it may even be your picture taken. Truth I say.


So yeah, I do not know what I want to be. But moved by music and cinematography is not one of them. I do not want to rush because I want to be sure, that I am committed and I understand the consequences of my actions. I don't want to get out there and then be faced with something that makes me think "Hey, this wasn't in the guidebook... I want a refund!" Because their lives are not refundable!!! In fact, who even has the capacity to put a price on them???!!! Oh it angers me so. sdfldfkldfkjfjaiosPDSKodfi-0fiew-0fi03.


Most people will think I am over-reacting and making things bigger than they are. I just think that they are under-reacting and making things smaller than they need to be.


I hate you apathy.