2012.

Just in case I forget - which I will - here are some things that I'd like to do in the year 2012. So, this is kind of like a mental note, except it's not purely mental, it's also... scripted? O_o...
Oh and of course given the world has indeed overcome yet another 'end of existence' uproar.

1. Play badminton
2. Learn to ride a bike (yep, it's true.)
3. Buy my family presents when it's their birthdays
4. Pay off the ol' debts (yep, it's true)
5. Make time to spend with people that mean lots to me
6. Obtain my drivers license (yep, it's true too)
7. Buy a Ford Courier Ute 1994 Twin Cab, and drive it (most definitely true)
8. Go rollerskating

More to come, I hope!

My Confession (Ben Stein)

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God ? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
- - - - -
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina).. Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit.
If not, then just discard it.... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

It's Hardest When.

All we can do is pray.

Excuse me for being blunt, but I hate having to say that. Not because I don't believe it, but because I wish it wasn't true.

I wish there was more I could do. I wish I could feed the hundreds of thousands going hungry in Africa. I wish that I could rescue every young girl and boy living in brothels in Cambodia. I wish I could have depressed people on a 24/7 watch, so that when they start tying that rope around their necks, I could stop them. I wish that I could tell that child that they were valued, you know, the one whose parents tell them they're the reason their lives didn't turn out the way they'd wanted. I wish that I could cure the woman breathing her last breaths. I wish I could tunnel my way into the Pike River Mine - one year earlier - and rescue the men who died. I wish that I could hop in my time machine, go back to 1939 and take Hitler down. Or at least, out of the picture. I just wish that I could teleport myself to North Korea, and, and, and... And? I don't even know what I would do. What I could do. What could I do? Burst into the doors of the seven story 'Pleasure Palace', wave my wand and banish Kim Jong's successors to a land where naughty world leaders go to think about their actions? Probably not.

God, why is it so hard for us to live in this world? Why have we done such bad things with the gift of the earth that you gave to us? What is our problem? We are our own problem! Annihilate us! Too bad You're a man of your word. Rainbows and all.

Father, humble our hearts and minds... how dare we think we can do this thing on our own? If it's our fault the world's the way it is now, how can we be trusted to bring it back to Your standards? Back to right?

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

My Heart

My heart is empty.

Christmas break, here I come.

Blah, Blah, Blah, Politics.

So, the elections are coming up which means its time that we start seeing all those semi-familiar faces on flimsy pieces of card being plastered up on every corner of every street. You know the faces; the ones you only see every three years when it comes time for them to subtly ask slash beg for your tick in their box. 


Anywho. (Google Chrome just prompted me to have that auto-corrected to 'any who' but I told GC where to go and added it to dictionary. Yeah, am I boss or what?). So, ANYWHO, I've been wanting to share my reasons for who my vote is leaning toward, but its way too long for a Facebook status, so I ran back to my blog. For the first time in an age. (I tend to do that.)


The two strongest political parties in New Zealand are National and Labour. No, I have not done thorough research in to the background and origins of either of these parties, so this post is purely based on my experience as a human being for the past 18 years. (Oh snap, I forgot, I'm 19.)


Labour is promising an increase in the minimum wage, more jobs for unemployed youth, and lowering the prices of fruit & veg. Well, these are the only things I've seen written on their posters anyway.


National is wanting to introduce measures that will not give young people more money, but that will teach young people accountability, responsibility and initiative. Instead of giving young people money to potentially waste, they're going to teach them to be good stewards of money they're privileged to be given, by giving it to them in the form of bus cards, food vouchers and whatnot. 


Sure, the stuff Labour wants to give us looks nice. Who doesn't wanna vote for the people that are saying they'll give us more money for what we already do for an already average amount? Well, when I consider the bigger picture, I'd rather not vote for them. All I've heard of them vowing is instant gratification. I understand that our nation is keen to bounce back from the Recession, but imagine with how much more energy we will be able to bounce back if we take these next few years to develop our national financial/socio-economic mindset...


Although I'd love to be paid at a higher rate, I'd love more to see a significant (in a downward direction) shift in the number of young people leaving school to go straight on the dole - where a high majority of them stay for the remainder of their existence. (I know there are people that genuinely require this assistance, I'm referring to the people who use the money as a cruisy surf through the pockets of hard working New Zealanders). So yeah. 


Positive change in this nations' financial and even emotional mindset starts in each person. Change is inevitable and individual. So I'm going to vote for the people that are wanting to positively affect the way we think about ourselves, our money, the nation and the nations' money. 


Blah, blah, blah, Politics. 

(I wish this guy was running for President. ^)

Treasure Holding Rubbish

Quick post.

Driving through Manukau City this afternoon, my mother and I passed the back of the Warehouse. They had those large metal cage rubbish bins that most companies have, and theirs was filled to the brim and overflowing. About 15 flattened cardboard boxes were sitting atop the rest of the trash, they were clean and seemed to be in reasonable condition. And so what did we do? Well, of course, we parked up next to that bin and started to load up our little car. Hahaha! I know, it's such a fresh thing to do.

So anyway, while we (it was only mum to be honest) loaded up the small car, I got to thinking about those boxes. What had they held before the life was flattened out of them, and they were disposed of? What was their purpose? What was the costly good being held securely within the walls of those cardboard cubes? Whatever the answer to my questions were, it didn't matter anymore. The box had served its' purpose, it was no longer needed and no longer wanted. Nobody would suffer as a result of the absence of the Average-Joe boxes. More than likely, nobody will even notice anything is missing from the storeroom of the Warehouse.

But then I got to thinking about what we were going to be using the boxes for... We'd unload them from the car, bring them into our warm, homely lounge and begin to unfold them. We would give these boxes back their original shape, redeem them from their flattened and depressed states. I pictured the boxes being sealed with brown duct tape, or masking tape, or whatever it is called... I pictured it in my mind. Once the boxes were given their shape back, we'd gift them with a new purpose. To hold our treasure, to secure the earthly possessions that we love enough to move from house to house with us. The boxes, once considered rubbish, would soon be holding within their secure selves the memories of our lives. Photos, diaries, bracelets, but even more so memories of days gone by, secret journal entries and friendship reminders. What amazing purposes these boxes would have... without them, we would be without a place to store our treasures. Our treasures in this world would be wayward, individual and more likely to be lost or forgotten.

Well, I don't really have a conclusion except to say that I seriously believed initially that this would be a short post. So much for that. Ah well, Blogeleina is back I guess, long, overly deep posts and all.

Who knew that so much could be said about a pile of discarded, flattened and meaningless cardboard boxes?
But then again, who would think that God could make so much of you and I...?

Love, Where Is Your Fire? Brooke Fraser

Love, where is your fire? I've been sitting here smoking away
making signals with sticks and odd ends and bits, but there's no sign of a flame
Imposters have been passing, offering good-feeling glow
but I'm holding out for what you are about - an inferno that burns to the bone
some urge me to be temperate, lukewarm will never do

[CHORUS]
'Cos I, I wana (know I'll) blaze with you
So i'm holding my heart out to you
Holding my heart out

So I stand, handing out torches
speaking words that are lamps to their feet
Til the time when you come and I'm whole and we are one and the fire in me is complete
Some tell me to be moderate but lukewarm will never do

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
Then a doubt comes to lie at the back of my mind
That I'll offer you me and you'll politely decline (no thank you)
So i hasten to mute it, I'll shout and rebuke it - "away!"

I hate you Apathy.

There are many things that motivate me to want to do something great in this world. When I watch a movie like Blood Diamond, and the Special Effects, Lighting, Camera Angles and Backing Track cause me to feel great empathy for the child soldiers. These children are stolen from their homes, which are most commonly ruined by Guerilla warfare, and brainwashed into believing that their kidnapper is actually their saviour. Their saviour from the ignorance of not fighting, of being a passive and loving person, and of having feelings other than hate and murder toward anybody but yourself. Watching the movie Blood Diamond makes it so easy to see why somebody should do something for those children. It would just make sense, to see an injustice and then feel inside of you that you need to do something about it. It just makes sense. Even watching videos on Youtube that people have made about the prevalence of Human Trafficking in todays' Modern World. There are real videos of children selling themselves, and their ability to give oral sex to a visiting tourist. Listening to songs about these slaves makes my heart stir, and somehow arises in my heart, the desire to save these children, these girls, these slaves. Reading books that vividly explain situations in which families of young children are forced to run for their lives and take refuge deep in the forests of their countries because the government are pursuing them for becoming a Christian. I read the many cases of girls that are raped because they are Christian, and houses being burnt to the ground because inside were a secret group holding a church service secretly in the hopes of not being found out by the government. When I read these stories, my very insides churn and are wrenched with the gloominess of uselessness, of helplessness and that desire again fires up that I need to help these people. That I need to run to these people and give them aid, give them refuge, give them safety and security. I feel for them, I yearn for their safety, I have an inner cry for these people and I feel sad for them and with them. 


But. I do not think that I am the only one that feels this way. I bet that most of the people that watched Blood Diamond felt as though their hearts were being ripped out for the safety of the innocents in Africa. I bet that most people had a sleepless night or two, tossing and turning, questioning themselves and what their lives are focussed on. The same with the Youtube videos, a lot of those videos have had at least 1000 views. Those people would have also had the burden on their hearts for these young children forced to sell themselves for little or no pay. More than just me would have looked further into the facts, and may even have shared the video on their Facebook page, or the link on their Twitter account. Christians, I am certain, after reading a copy of the Voice of the Martyrs monthly newsletter, will have sent money over to Christians in Persecuted countries. They may have even written a letter or two, or four to the governments about releasing Gao Zhiseng out of their custody. Many will have signed the petitions and did a great thing being a part of such a noteworthy cause.


But. I do not want to be one of those people. There will be no backing track, fancy camera angles, or script after the movie. There will only be real life risky situations. There will only be children that want to kill you for helping them, and there will be no yell of 'cut'.There will be just you. And to add to the emotions you once felt for these children, will be confusion, fear, anguish, and more. 
In those countries with the sex slaves, you can't press pause once you have gotten yourself into the business of going up against Traffickers. You can't exit the internet browser, because a court case is not an internet browser, it is just you and a judge that has the power to have you killed. There is no encouraging song in the background, just the sound of your pain and the silence of your thinking... What the hell have I gotten myself into? And the truth is, there is no way out then. It's a consequence that has its effects forever.
Going up against a government doesn't end with the closing of a pamphlet. You will probably get killed or come close to it. And like I said, you can't flick the page or speed up time, you just have to live with it. Or die with it. And yeah, that is the truth. There aren't fancy letter heads flicking across the screen of your life, there aren't moving pictures of the disaster... You live in the disaster, you are a part of it. Sometimes it may even be your picture taken. Truth I say.


So yeah, I do not know what I want to be. But moved by music and cinematography is not one of them. I do not want to rush because I want to be sure, that I am committed and I understand the consequences of my actions. I don't want to get out there and then be faced with something that makes me think "Hey, this wasn't in the guidebook... I want a refund!" Because their lives are not refundable!!! In fact, who even has the capacity to put a price on them???!!! Oh it angers me so. sdfldfkldfkjfjaiosPDSKodfi-0fiew-0fi03.


Most people will think I am over-reacting and making things bigger than they are. I just think that they are under-reacting and making things smaller than they need to be.


I hate you apathy. 

My One Month Anniversary.

So I'm not actually celebrating the anniversary of anything amazing today, but there is something slightly memorable about it.

I was looking through my old blog posts earlier on and I realized that my last post was on the 21st February 2011, which was exactly one month ago. So I got to thinking "Whoa. Now that's a dead Blog, I must write something today because it will be both reviving and ironic."

But now it is 11:00 and I have to be up in 7 hours to get ready for work, and I am too tired to write anything long and winded. Although do not get me wrong, I wish I could. Maybe tomorrow?

Definitely tomorrow.

So yeah, I thought that I needed to write something at least... SOMEthing, at the least.

So a closing thought... I like Cambodians, but probably just because they're from Cambodia. It could be just because they're cool, or on another note, great is what Cambodians are.

P.S. I stole that concept from Joel Houston. Joel Houston....

Adeleina.

Things Always Change.

Tonight sitting on the step of my door, I unknowingly followed the path of a particular star. A red one to be exact. Initially, I could focus on the star by staring straight ahead. However, as time and conversation went on, I would check back for the friend I'd made in this star and without realizing it, each time I looked at it I needed to crane my neck just a tiny bit more than before. It was moving.

It, was moving!

See the thing is, the earth is always rotating, but so slow that we as mere human beings cannot perceive it. But although we cannot detect it naturally, it is something that is always happening. The earth will always be rotating, though we do not acknowledge its every millimeter of movement.

Symbolic? I believe so. Things; circumstances, places, people, will always be changing and being altered in that ever so slight and subtle way that goes easily unnoticed... But regardless, it is inevitable. Inevitable. What a word.

The only thing that doesn't change is the fact that everything changes.
Oh, and Jesus.

A short post, a short post indeed.

I have Dreams!

I'm thinking that I write too often about solemn subjects, or even about happy subjects in a solemn manner. So, here goes my attempt at a chirpy post.

...

LOL Jokes! Here goes just another post, this is MY blog, and I shall blog in any which way comes to me by default as I type. Haha whoa! Somebody's tired! Oh get on with it already would you...

I thought that I would share with you what I am hoping to do with this GAP year of mine. First of all, I've decided to take a GAP year for many reasons. 

1) I was so anti-Uni at the end of last year. "What so you're telling me that to make a difference in this world, I need a piece of PAper to say that I'm qualified???" - that was me for ages at anyone that asked. Whoops. :/

2) I wasn't sure what I wanted to do at University if I went, and I didn't want to go and waste time and money doing something I wasn't certain would be valuable to me.

3) I didn't have time OR money to waste.

4) I was tired of study, routine, classes etc. Year Thirteen kind of took it all out of me, or rather I put my all in to it. 

5) I'm gangster/ a rebel/ a menace to society

At the moment, I'm working full-time at a training course. It's a place where high school students go if they can't learn in the high school environment. By that I mean they were either bullied or bullies. Hmm, now that's a worry... But yes, some were expelled, some are pregnant, some are quiet and secluded, most are tied up in gangs and drugs etc etc. :(. I am the 'receptionist' there that helps the students one on one with their assessments. It's very challenging, because most of the time the students won't want to work and they can be very disrespectful. Not to mention, they blast their homie gee music at max. volume. I reckon I know enough thug songs to be a straight-up gangster. Yo! Welcome To My Hooooood! (...O_o...) Anyway, I plan to do this for at most the next six months. I bus there in the morning, oh and on an unrelated note, this old guy pulled up to the bus stop the other day and asked if I wanted a ride. LOL, no thanks... not today.

So that's where I am at present. But where I want to be...

I've applied for Harvard University in Massachusetts, in the United States of America.

:o

It took me a long time to decide whether or not to apply. My reasons for not were mostly rooted in fear, of rejection and whatnot. But after quite a few sermons that seemed to have a similar theme... and a little bit of Craig Jourdain saying in my ear "God wants you to dream bigger"... oh and also the encouragement of my mother... I decided to do it. And so I did. And so I have. And I'm glad I have, because even if I don't get in, at least I tried. I'm satisfied with that. The question I get a lot is "Why do you want to go there? What's wrong with Auckland Uni?" The truth is that there is nothing wrong with Auckland Uni. I know it's a good school, with something of an international rep. (soooomething of one...) But, I don't see why I should settle just because it's easier to. Sure it'd be easy for me just to go to Auckland, the application forms are about 15 pages less (for reals), and they don't really care about anything other than your academic promise. Well, not even, just that you get UE and the specified credits, which isn't hard if you work at it for your Year Thirteen year. Anyway, I don't think that enough students take advantage of international study. It's not for everyone, but for the ones that it IS for, it's worth it. You study, and you see another country; another culture. Back to the question, I applied because Harvard has a core value that I admire to the days. Their motto is 'Veritas' which means Truth. Truth, which means Integrity, and Integrity I am in love with. Hahahaha what, a, weirdo. I have a broad dream. To be a part of the abolition of the injustice people suffer in Asian countries as a result of their corrupt government. To do this, I'd like to be able to 'make friends' with people in high places. I'm gonna need me a pretty awesome education to do what I want to do. So yeah, why not try for a GREAT education, even though I know that I could get a GOOD one for less anxiety, and money for that matter. The acceptance rate is 7% so my chances are slim slim slim, but my God is big big big, and if He wants me there He'll open doors. That's all I know.

So, if I were unwise and a fool (a bit of a redundant statement), I'd put all of my hopes in to the said application. But I haven't. I know that I might very well not get in, so where to if I don't get in? My plan is to see a little bit more of Asia. By Asia I mean South East Asia. By South East Asia I mean Cambodia, and maybe Thailand... or even the... the... Philippines :o. What I'd like to do there is volunteer at some NGO. There are so many. I'd like to focus on the ones that work with the woman forced into prostitution. Human Trafficking. Fastest growing criminal industry. That's a scary thought. It makes me feel sick. Literally. Aahhhhh. I've been checking out Hagar, who are an organization that work with woman in countries that they are oppressed. It looks so amazing. And it's in Cambodia :). If you don't know me, I love Cambodia. I went there for the shortest trip ever and through it, I believe God kind of confirmed what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Work with the lowly. "Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar." Psalm 138:6 I want to love the unloved, remember the forgotten, I want to uplift the oppressed and spend all my time with the lonely. It's a desire the Lord has given me. I believe it has come straight out of His own heart. Because that's what He wants to do with us. It's what He DOES with us. Thank you Lord! You're amazing. "But there are people like that everywhere, not just Asia, and they mightn't be very receptive" - yes, cynical person, there are people like that everywhere but my heart is in Asia. I don't know why, but it just is. I left it there when I came back to New Zealand maybe? There is another teenager like me around the world somewhere whose heart is in Romania, or the Middle East. We all have our parts. God can do it ALL, but we can just do our part. Oh man this is turning into three posts in one haha all good. Ending it now

So that's my 2011 for you. Oh btw, I also have a heart for Africa (and how their leaders need a kick and for their off shore bank accounts to be put to BETTER USE!!@!SDLFKJSDKJFSD) ahem. 

So I have a thing for Asians, Atheists and Africans. Oh, and Russell said a funny thing about that. "That must be why you like Aimee" hahahaha good one Russell.

OKAY! I'm off to Manukau now to buy some work shoes, and cauliflower and carrots. For reals. Hahaha, thanks for reading, faithful reader.

Adeleina.

:D

Dreams Are Free.

Sometimes, I wish that we could live a little longer in our dreams. Not because reality sucks, but simply because dreams sometimes are flippantly awesome! Most of my dreams are weird though, the laws of Physics don't apply, and neither, it seems, does common sense. At times, things happen in my dreams and in my mind I'm thinking "uh, hello! That's so silly... get that girl off of that murderous Yak!" (literally btw), but I don't say anything... I just watch her carry on getting rolled on by this beast which was surely extinct before the world was created.

This morning, after I'd woken up, I read Haggai (only two chapters long) and then went back to sleep. I don't know if Haggai had anything to do with it, but the dream I had between that time and now (well, ten, maybe fifteen, minutes ago) was odd, odd, odd. Odd is such an odd word don't you think?

In the dream, I went swimming. I was with my niece, who is eleven years old... when it was time to get out, she wouldn't get out, as per a normal day of swimming, so she pretended to be asleep. LOL. I had to carry her out of the pool, plant her feet on the steps and lock her knees so that she could stand. And then it switched to being in a lake, a really dirty one. Jesse was there, dressed in his usual dark but faded zip up hoodie jumper thing, complete with hands in pocket. I think that he was there either with Jono or Russell, or any of that little crew that laugh at weird jokes like moths going into Podiatrists, or Pirates or anything... odd... Hahaha. Anyway, they were taking turns at walking into the lake and blowing bubbles while twisting in a circle. This is weird why? Because Jesse walked in fully clothed, and didn't get wet. (Okay, I just went away for like, half an hour, and watched Paramore/Novel American videos. RANDOM!)

And that was the end of that. Weird right. I know. Next thing I knew I was at school, it was M.H. but it wasn't... do you get those ones too? Where you're in a place that's familiar to you, but it physically doesn't look like it, but it is... You know? Or is that just me? Or when you're with a person, that you know is somebody, but physically they look different? Man those times are buzzy. Buzzzzzzzzz. The new school activity was archery. Jono was first up (what's up with Jono being here? O_o), he went to this massive sheep, and I mean massive. Pastor Jim (what's he doing at my school??) yelled "Go Jono, and don't go quietly!", so Jono took a spear (not even archery!), walked toward the sheep-beast, that was running toward him, gave it an apple and then stabbed through the apple and in to the sheep's heart......

O_O

...when that happened, the big beast I'd mentioned earlier on, came rolling down the hill as if dead. But the weirder thing was that a little girl was on top of it, being rolled on! What, the ass. Three or four more people did this after Jono, and each time, Pastor Jim would say "*insert name here*, go and don't go quietly!", and that person would do just as Jono did... piercing the rhino-like-sheep right in its tough leather skin. And each time, on cue, the Yak thing would roll down the hill! While this was all happening, I sat next to my mother, who alternated between being my mum and Aimee.

I'm not sure when, but there was another scene. I was getting ready for my first day of a second year of being a Prefect. LOL. Maybe I miss it? Anyway, my badges were plenty! And they were ugly, they were made of material and were just in the shape of like, medallions and table runners. But I had my blazer on and I felt great. Walking down that covered way with Cochise. For some reason he wouldn't wear his badges. Which is just, NOT HIM at all. If you knew him, you'd know he wears about as many badges as he can, even if they aren't his dahahaha :L. So yeah, I kept telling him to put his on but he wouldn't.

So, yeah, don't know what that dream was about at all, but I wanted to record it so that I'd remember it in a few months and have a laugh. When I woke up, I didn't open my eyes, I just lay there trying to savour the way that I felt in that dream with its many rooms, for some reason it was quite ideal. I wanted to go back to that strange, twisted world.

But I opened my eyes, remembered I was in a room painted bright blue walls, with a bright green cupboard and monkeys on the curtains, and realized... my life is weird enough as it is.

:)

I Was Dreaming About Today, like, Two Years Ago.

I think that the ability that we have within us to dream and imagine, are just ways that we can live another life. If we can just picture ourselves just one year older, or, just that little bit richer, or smarter, or prettier, then and only THEN will we feel we have reached our potential; somewhat fulfilled our purpose. But the truth is, when we get just one year older, richer, or smarter, there'll be more to dream about. We'll have new desires, wants and needs that we want to imagine ourselves in.

Maybe dreaming is just our way of escaping our current reality. After all it IS nice to be think toward a day where we aren't in the unideal or uncomfortable situations that we sometimes find ourselves in. Isn't it? I don't even have to ask anyone that to know the answer. We've all done it; wished we were living just a little bit further into the future. But I don't think it's so bad. I mean, God didn't give us the ability to desire better things for no reason. And by things, I don't mean material things. I mean, you know, thiiiiiings... God doesn't want us to remain babies in the faith forever. He doesn't want us to live and feed off of yesterday's successes for the rest of our tomorrows.

Dream bigger. No harm in that. But don't live so much in the future that you don't appreciate the present, which actually paves the way to the future. And about the future - when you're living in it, it's the present. Funny that. The future is an intangible, unobtainable... thing. It's a measurement of time. So really it's not even 'the future' that we strive for. It's what we'll have there. I guess 'the future' is also a measurement of growth; of self, of character and other 'things'. Hmm

Whatevs man.

On a semi related note...
The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.
- Clive Staples Lewis.




A wise man if ever I knew one.

Our Hearts Can Be Dark, Damp Places.

Having the light off somehow makes writing easier. Gives more effect to the song I'm listening to for sure. (Beautiful Exchange - Hillsong) And thus, the lights go off. (:o Symbolic? I think not... haha... shutup Adeleina with your ingrained overly analytical-ness that you have NCEA to blame for...or thank? ;P)

Who knew that within us hid things that we never knew were there. But, we did. Do you get me? Like, when we experience certain things in life, we learn stuff, and we shed stuff off... but where does that stuff go? I mean, yeah, it's meant to go straight into the fire. (Literally. Nah not really. But you know. Figuratively literally.) But it's like when you're trying to scrape the gathered rubbish up with the dustpan, and even though you initially are determined to rake absolutely everything up, there will ALWAYS be those few dust particles that will just refuse to leave the familiarity they have with the... floor. Back to the point, what happens to those pieces? They get scattered eventually back to where they came from. And it's the same with us, we try to rid ourselves of any trace of the rubbish we didn't know existed, but it can never all go away. And so eventually, it returns back to cling to our soul. To hide within it even. We lock it away, we even nurture it. Out of these places, we can still feel our past hurts. We can still remember joys gone by. We can still feel like we did that day when... and hear the sting of those words when... or hear the piercing silence of that time you... That's what those crumbs do. That's what keeps us, well, you know... liek this.

So anyway, who knew that within us lay the feeling of great joy, and then also of great sorrow. Who knew we were so able to feel happiness and just as much feel sadness. New birth and never ending grievances... We can FEEL accepted... and Rejected all in the same way. But not in the same way? Yeah. We can enjoy life and despise it all the same. Be grateful and spiteful. Hopefulness and doom. We believe in ourselves that we are assured. And next minute, insecure. Out of place... but then embracing our indifference. Redeemed and all the same, to blame. Our relationships irreconcilable but renewed. Confused but quite certain. Like we know for sure, but given evidence that supports our doubt. Hidden but exposed. Alive but invisible. Strangely content and yet not, desiring more. It's a strange rush, it really is.

Funny thing. Who knew that it could/would only take one person to reach unknowingly into the depths of where these emotions hide, and casually stand at the door of it all. Like, a husband returning to his home. With each unthinking knock, the door slowly but surely dissipates. Who knew it only took one person to unleash this dangerous rainbow? Unstoppable yet unstartable. It is true, these things, these feelings have always been in us. But this is a new thing; it only takes one person to let them out? Really? How strange and odd a thought. How unsafe and unfair also! But it's all right too I guess. I guess. But sure, there are people that have also been close to the door, they've walked the corridor not meant for them. Does that mean that they have a key also? They may have keys, but are they just copies? Imitations? Cheap knock-offs, crafted by our own hands, stolen with our own minds? I dunno.

Well, by the end of this post, I didn't expect to have an answer to any of my burning questions. One thing I do know though; people are very, very, very. And that, I think, is all.

Man this post is overly deep. Ah well, it's me. (we all know what THAT means.)
Haha I wonder if anyone will understand this post. Maybe it's only for me to understand, and for YOU to have wasted the last 5 minutes on? Hahaha not funny.)

Adeleina.
by the way this is about love. hmm.

Everything You Need To Know. For Now ;)

BAYUM!


(Bayum? What the...?)


Well. I wanted to start this new blog off well. I've been thinking for a while now about how I would start it, what my first post would be about. Because you know, your first post is very special... it introduces prospective followers/readers to your writing style, and your writing purpose. 


So yeah, I've pondered on the topic of my first topic for the last 18 days of January. LOL.
Should've just started. 


Maybe I should tell you about my goals. Not so much goals but directions. 
Well, you know... when you call them goals, a cloak of certain despair/dissatisfaction falls upon them and you aren't (unless you're some amazing super human self-motivated person) too motivated anymore to see them through.


Wow, I'm using capital letters. If you look back at my old blog (Applez For Knowledge), you'll see why that's such a big thing.


Anyway, my new year's directions are as follows:


1)Trust God
2)Love People
3)Smile More
4)Complain Less
5)Make Money
6)Save Money
7)Give Money
8) Enjoy the ride, bumpy though it may be
9) Keep my pacific island savage wild hair untangled.
10) ;)


I actually have that written as number ten in my diary, lol. Maybe I couldn't think of another?
Oh and on 9, I'm seriously considering cutting my hair. Off. Aaaaall off. 
Yes, ALL off. What a weight off of my shoulders that would be. ha.. ha..


Wow, THAT was my first post? What an anticlimax. hahahaha
 Until we meet again... lol jk, until my next post.


Adeleina. Appelonia. Adellz. Bob. 


P.S. I'm currently studying for the S.A.T's, which I've never taken in my life. (I live in New Zealand.)
P.P.S. There is no secret ingredient.
P.P.P.S. I am especially fond of Cambodia...
P.P.P.P.S I like grammar. Correct grammar.
P.P.P.P.P.S I love God. As in Jesus. As in God. Sarayu...