I have Dreams!

I'm thinking that I write too often about solemn subjects, or even about happy subjects in a solemn manner. So, here goes my attempt at a chirpy post.

...

LOL Jokes! Here goes just another post, this is MY blog, and I shall blog in any which way comes to me by default as I type. Haha whoa! Somebody's tired! Oh get on with it already would you...

I thought that I would share with you what I am hoping to do with this GAP year of mine. First of all, I've decided to take a GAP year for many reasons. 

1) I was so anti-Uni at the end of last year. "What so you're telling me that to make a difference in this world, I need a piece of PAper to say that I'm qualified???" - that was me for ages at anyone that asked. Whoops. :/

2) I wasn't sure what I wanted to do at University if I went, and I didn't want to go and waste time and money doing something I wasn't certain would be valuable to me.

3) I didn't have time OR money to waste.

4) I was tired of study, routine, classes etc. Year Thirteen kind of took it all out of me, or rather I put my all in to it. 

5) I'm gangster/ a rebel/ a menace to society

At the moment, I'm working full-time at a training course. It's a place where high school students go if they can't learn in the high school environment. By that I mean they were either bullied or bullies. Hmm, now that's a worry... But yes, some were expelled, some are pregnant, some are quiet and secluded, most are tied up in gangs and drugs etc etc. :(. I am the 'receptionist' there that helps the students one on one with their assessments. It's very challenging, because most of the time the students won't want to work and they can be very disrespectful. Not to mention, they blast their homie gee music at max. volume. I reckon I know enough thug songs to be a straight-up gangster. Yo! Welcome To My Hooooood! (...O_o...) Anyway, I plan to do this for at most the next six months. I bus there in the morning, oh and on an unrelated note, this old guy pulled up to the bus stop the other day and asked if I wanted a ride. LOL, no thanks... not today.

So that's where I am at present. But where I want to be...

I've applied for Harvard University in Massachusetts, in the United States of America.

:o

It took me a long time to decide whether or not to apply. My reasons for not were mostly rooted in fear, of rejection and whatnot. But after quite a few sermons that seemed to have a similar theme... and a little bit of Craig Jourdain saying in my ear "God wants you to dream bigger"... oh and also the encouragement of my mother... I decided to do it. And so I did. And so I have. And I'm glad I have, because even if I don't get in, at least I tried. I'm satisfied with that. The question I get a lot is "Why do you want to go there? What's wrong with Auckland Uni?" The truth is that there is nothing wrong with Auckland Uni. I know it's a good school, with something of an international rep. (soooomething of one...) But, I don't see why I should settle just because it's easier to. Sure it'd be easy for me just to go to Auckland, the application forms are about 15 pages less (for reals), and they don't really care about anything other than your academic promise. Well, not even, just that you get UE and the specified credits, which isn't hard if you work at it for your Year Thirteen year. Anyway, I don't think that enough students take advantage of international study. It's not for everyone, but for the ones that it IS for, it's worth it. You study, and you see another country; another culture. Back to the question, I applied because Harvard has a core value that I admire to the days. Their motto is 'Veritas' which means Truth. Truth, which means Integrity, and Integrity I am in love with. Hahahaha what, a, weirdo. I have a broad dream. To be a part of the abolition of the injustice people suffer in Asian countries as a result of their corrupt government. To do this, I'd like to be able to 'make friends' with people in high places. I'm gonna need me a pretty awesome education to do what I want to do. So yeah, why not try for a GREAT education, even though I know that I could get a GOOD one for less anxiety, and money for that matter. The acceptance rate is 7% so my chances are slim slim slim, but my God is big big big, and if He wants me there He'll open doors. That's all I know.

So, if I were unwise and a fool (a bit of a redundant statement), I'd put all of my hopes in to the said application. But I haven't. I know that I might very well not get in, so where to if I don't get in? My plan is to see a little bit more of Asia. By Asia I mean South East Asia. By South East Asia I mean Cambodia, and maybe Thailand... or even the... the... Philippines :o. What I'd like to do there is volunteer at some NGO. There are so many. I'd like to focus on the ones that work with the woman forced into prostitution. Human Trafficking. Fastest growing criminal industry. That's a scary thought. It makes me feel sick. Literally. Aahhhhh. I've been checking out Hagar, who are an organization that work with woman in countries that they are oppressed. It looks so amazing. And it's in Cambodia :). If you don't know me, I love Cambodia. I went there for the shortest trip ever and through it, I believe God kind of confirmed what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Work with the lowly. "Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar." Psalm 138:6 I want to love the unloved, remember the forgotten, I want to uplift the oppressed and spend all my time with the lonely. It's a desire the Lord has given me. I believe it has come straight out of His own heart. Because that's what He wants to do with us. It's what He DOES with us. Thank you Lord! You're amazing. "But there are people like that everywhere, not just Asia, and they mightn't be very receptive" - yes, cynical person, there are people like that everywhere but my heart is in Asia. I don't know why, but it just is. I left it there when I came back to New Zealand maybe? There is another teenager like me around the world somewhere whose heart is in Romania, or the Middle East. We all have our parts. God can do it ALL, but we can just do our part. Oh man this is turning into three posts in one haha all good. Ending it now

So that's my 2011 for you. Oh btw, I also have a heart for Africa (and how their leaders need a kick and for their off shore bank accounts to be put to BETTER USE!!@!SDLFKJSDKJFSD) ahem. 

So I have a thing for Asians, Atheists and Africans. Oh, and Russell said a funny thing about that. "That must be why you like Aimee" hahahaha good one Russell.

OKAY! I'm off to Manukau now to buy some work shoes, and cauliflower and carrots. For reals. Hahaha, thanks for reading, faithful reader.

Adeleina.

:D

I Was Dreaming About Today, like, Two Years Ago.

I think that the ability that we have within us to dream and imagine, are just ways that we can live another life. If we can just picture ourselves just one year older, or, just that little bit richer, or smarter, or prettier, then and only THEN will we feel we have reached our potential; somewhat fulfilled our purpose. But the truth is, when we get just one year older, richer, or smarter, there'll be more to dream about. We'll have new desires, wants and needs that we want to imagine ourselves in.

Maybe dreaming is just our way of escaping our current reality. After all it IS nice to be think toward a day where we aren't in the unideal or uncomfortable situations that we sometimes find ourselves in. Isn't it? I don't even have to ask anyone that to know the answer. We've all done it; wished we were living just a little bit further into the future. But I don't think it's so bad. I mean, God didn't give us the ability to desire better things for no reason. And by things, I don't mean material things. I mean, you know, thiiiiiings... God doesn't want us to remain babies in the faith forever. He doesn't want us to live and feed off of yesterday's successes for the rest of our tomorrows.

Dream bigger. No harm in that. But don't live so much in the future that you don't appreciate the present, which actually paves the way to the future. And about the future - when you're living in it, it's the present. Funny that. The future is an intangible, unobtainable... thing. It's a measurement of time. So really it's not even 'the future' that we strive for. It's what we'll have there. I guess 'the future' is also a measurement of growth; of self, of character and other 'things'. Hmm

Whatevs man.

On a semi related note...
The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.
- Clive Staples Lewis.




A wise man if ever I knew one.

Our Hearts Can Be Dark, Damp Places.

Having the light off somehow makes writing easier. Gives more effect to the song I'm listening to for sure. (Beautiful Exchange - Hillsong) And thus, the lights go off. (:o Symbolic? I think not... haha... shutup Adeleina with your ingrained overly analytical-ness that you have NCEA to blame for...or thank? ;P)

Who knew that within us hid things that we never knew were there. But, we did. Do you get me? Like, when we experience certain things in life, we learn stuff, and we shed stuff off... but where does that stuff go? I mean, yeah, it's meant to go straight into the fire. (Literally. Nah not really. But you know. Figuratively literally.) But it's like when you're trying to scrape the gathered rubbish up with the dustpan, and even though you initially are determined to rake absolutely everything up, there will ALWAYS be those few dust particles that will just refuse to leave the familiarity they have with the... floor. Back to the point, what happens to those pieces? They get scattered eventually back to where they came from. And it's the same with us, we try to rid ourselves of any trace of the rubbish we didn't know existed, but it can never all go away. And so eventually, it returns back to cling to our soul. To hide within it even. We lock it away, we even nurture it. Out of these places, we can still feel our past hurts. We can still remember joys gone by. We can still feel like we did that day when... and hear the sting of those words when... or hear the piercing silence of that time you... That's what those crumbs do. That's what keeps us, well, you know... liek this.

So anyway, who knew that within us lay the feeling of great joy, and then also of great sorrow. Who knew we were so able to feel happiness and just as much feel sadness. New birth and never ending grievances... We can FEEL accepted... and Rejected all in the same way. But not in the same way? Yeah. We can enjoy life and despise it all the same. Be grateful and spiteful. Hopefulness and doom. We believe in ourselves that we are assured. And next minute, insecure. Out of place... but then embracing our indifference. Redeemed and all the same, to blame. Our relationships irreconcilable but renewed. Confused but quite certain. Like we know for sure, but given evidence that supports our doubt. Hidden but exposed. Alive but invisible. Strangely content and yet not, desiring more. It's a strange rush, it really is.

Funny thing. Who knew that it could/would only take one person to reach unknowingly into the depths of where these emotions hide, and casually stand at the door of it all. Like, a husband returning to his home. With each unthinking knock, the door slowly but surely dissipates. Who knew it only took one person to unleash this dangerous rainbow? Unstoppable yet unstartable. It is true, these things, these feelings have always been in us. But this is a new thing; it only takes one person to let them out? Really? How strange and odd a thought. How unsafe and unfair also! But it's all right too I guess. I guess. But sure, there are people that have also been close to the door, they've walked the corridor not meant for them. Does that mean that they have a key also? They may have keys, but are they just copies? Imitations? Cheap knock-offs, crafted by our own hands, stolen with our own minds? I dunno.

Well, by the end of this post, I didn't expect to have an answer to any of my burning questions. One thing I do know though; people are very, very, very. And that, I think, is all.

Man this post is overly deep. Ah well, it's me. (we all know what THAT means.)
Haha I wonder if anyone will understand this post. Maybe it's only for me to understand, and for YOU to have wasted the last 5 minutes on? Hahaha not funny.)

Adeleina.
by the way this is about love. hmm.