Having the light off somehow makes writing easier. Gives more effect to the song I'm listening to for sure. (Beautiful Exchange - Hillsong) And thus, the lights go off. (:o Symbolic? I think not... haha... shutup Adeleina with your ingrained overly analytical-ness that you have NCEA to blame for...or thank? ;P)
Who knew that within us hid things that we never knew were there. But, we did. Do you get me? Like, when we experience certain things in life, we learn stuff, and we shed stuff off... but where does that stuff go? I mean, yeah, it's meant to go straight into the fire. (Literally. Nah not really. But you know. Figuratively literally.) But it's like when you're trying to scrape the gathered rubbish up with the dustpan, and even though you initially are determined to rake absolutely everything up, there will ALWAYS be those few dust particles that will just refuse to leave the familiarity they have with the... floor. Back to the point, what happens to those pieces? They get scattered eventually back to where they came from. And it's the same with us, we try to rid ourselves of any trace of the rubbish we didn't know existed, but it can never all go away. And so eventually, it returns back to cling to our soul. To hide within it even. We lock it away, we even nurture it. Out of these places, we can still feel our past hurts. We can still remember joys gone by. We can still feel like we did that day when... and hear the sting of those words when... or hear the piercing silence of that time you... That's what those crumbs do. That's what keeps us, well, you know... liek this.
So anyway, who knew that within us lay the feeling of great joy, and then also of great sorrow. Who knew we were so able to feel happiness and just as much feel sadness. New birth and never ending grievances... We can FEEL accepted... and Rejected all in the same way. But not in the same way? Yeah. We can enjoy life and despise it all the same. Be grateful and spiteful. Hopefulness and doom. We believe in ourselves that we are assured. And next minute, insecure. Out of place... but then embracing our indifference. Redeemed and all the same, to blame. Our relationships irreconcilable but renewed. Confused but quite certain. Like we know for sure, but given evidence that supports our doubt. Hidden but exposed. Alive but invisible. Strangely content and yet not, desiring more. It's a strange rush, it really is.
Funny thing. Who knew that it could/would only take one person to reach unknowingly into the depths of where these emotions hide, and casually stand at the door of it all. Like, a husband returning to his home. With each unthinking knock, the door slowly but surely dissipates. Who knew it only took one person to unleash this dangerous rainbow? Unstoppable yet unstartable. It is true, these things, these feelings have always been in us. But this is a new thing; it only takes one person to let them out? Really? How strange and odd a thought. How unsafe and unfair also! But it's all right too I guess. I guess. But sure, there are people that have also been close to the door, they've walked the corridor not meant for them. Does that mean that they have a key also? They may have keys, but are they just copies? Imitations? Cheap knock-offs, crafted by our own hands, stolen with our own minds? I dunno.
Well, by the end of this post, I didn't expect to have an answer to any of my burning questions. One thing I do know though; people are very, very, very. And that, I think, is all.
Man this post is overly deep. Ah well, it's me. (we all know what THAT means.)
Haha I wonder if anyone will understand this post. Maybe it's only for me to understand, and for YOU to have wasted the last 5 minutes on? Hahaha not funny.)
Adeleina.
by the way this is about love. hmm.
Who knew that within us hid things that we never knew were there. But, we did. Do you get me? Like, when we experience certain things in life, we learn stuff, and we shed stuff off... but where does that stuff go? I mean, yeah, it's meant to go straight into the fire. (Literally. Nah not really. But you know. Figuratively literally.) But it's like when you're trying to scrape the gathered rubbish up with the dustpan, and even though you initially are determined to rake absolutely everything up, there will ALWAYS be those few dust particles that will just refuse to leave the familiarity they have with the... floor. Back to the point, what happens to those pieces? They get scattered eventually back to where they came from. And it's the same with us, we try to rid ourselves of any trace of the rubbish we didn't know existed, but it can never all go away. And so eventually, it returns back to cling to our soul. To hide within it even. We lock it away, we even nurture it. Out of these places, we can still feel our past hurts. We can still remember joys gone by. We can still feel like we did that day when... and hear the sting of those words when... or hear the piercing silence of that time you... That's what those crumbs do. That's what keeps us, well, you know... liek this.
So anyway, who knew that within us lay the feeling of great joy, and then also of great sorrow. Who knew we were so able to feel happiness and just as much feel sadness. New birth and never ending grievances... We can FEEL accepted... and Rejected all in the same way. But not in the same way? Yeah. We can enjoy life and despise it all the same. Be grateful and spiteful. Hopefulness and doom. We believe in ourselves that we are assured. And next minute, insecure. Out of place... but then embracing our indifference. Redeemed and all the same, to blame. Our relationships irreconcilable but renewed. Confused but quite certain. Like we know for sure, but given evidence that supports our doubt. Hidden but exposed. Alive but invisible. Strangely content and yet not, desiring more. It's a strange rush, it really is.
Funny thing. Who knew that it could/would only take one person to reach unknowingly into the depths of where these emotions hide, and casually stand at the door of it all. Like, a husband returning to his home. With each unthinking knock, the door slowly but surely dissipates. Who knew it only took one person to unleash this dangerous rainbow? Unstoppable yet unstartable. It is true, these things, these feelings have always been in us. But this is a new thing; it only takes one person to let them out? Really? How strange and odd a thought. How unsafe and unfair also! But it's all right too I guess. I guess. But sure, there are people that have also been close to the door, they've walked the corridor not meant for them. Does that mean that they have a key also? They may have keys, but are they just copies? Imitations? Cheap knock-offs, crafted by our own hands, stolen with our own minds? I dunno.
Well, by the end of this post, I didn't expect to have an answer to any of my burning questions. One thing I do know though; people are very, very, very. And that, I think, is all.
Man this post is overly deep. Ah well, it's me. (we all know what THAT means.)
Haha I wonder if anyone will understand this post. Maybe it's only for me to understand, and for YOU to have wasted the last 5 minutes on? Hahaha not funny.)
Adeleina.
by the way this is about love. hmm.
"Well, by the end of this post, I didn't expect to have an answer to any of my burning questions."
ReplyDeletegotta love that blogger feeling lawl.
I like the dustpanning thingimajigy metaphor right. Lots of food for thought here, glad to see you posting again.
"How unsafe and unfair also!"
I reckon.